Social media: it has given a voice to the voiceless, shined a light upon otherwise unseen issues, and it has connected people in ways we can’t even imagine living without. It has also given a voice to the people that don’t know how to shut the fuck up, shined a light upon on absolute trash that no one needs to see, and has disconnected and divided us in ways we can’t seem to repair.
“So just log off!” they say, they being the 400 self-proclaimed mental health experts I have followed and eventually unfollowed on Instagram. Thanks so much WoundedWarriorBae, but it’s not that simple despite the very inspirational selfie of you meditating in a bikini. It’s like when people say “just think positive” to someone standing on a bridge holding a suicide note. I wish feeling better was as easy as implementing a toxic positivity caption. Most new tech is admittedly designed to make you addicted, reliant and trapped. Logging off means being left out and if there’s one thing my inner teenager will not allow me to do it’s be excluded. This is especially hard as a public figure as there is no place more public than online…which is wild because I am usually using my phone when I’m at my most private: on the toilet. I know there have always been bad things in the world, but I believe that things have gotten worse because of this tiny extremely powerful machine that lives in my pocket when I’m awake, by bed when I’m asleep and in my hands when I poop.
Sometimes after looking at my phone I’m upset and I don’t even know what I’m upset about because I just ingested so many things. It’s like a buffet, too much and not worth the diarrhea it causes. I will scroll for an hour and can’t recall one thing that I saw. Whether it’s violent footage of war or someone leaving a “why does she have man hands?” comment on my comedy clip, this stuff gets under my skin and I do not have thick skin. I have very thin skin. Honestly I feel skinless, like my heart is just dangling outside of my body, exposed and unprotected for the whole world to potentially break. According to Dr Google I’m an empath or a HSP (highly sensitive person) aka I cry a lot.
GENTLE SUGGESTION! Something that has helped me tremendously quell mindless consumption is not keeping any social media apps on my phone. I download an app, post, check DMs, look at it for a few minutes, then delete the app. Not only does this prevent you from doom scrolling but it also helps you be more thoughtful about your posts. You become less reactive and more responsive if you have go to the app store every time you have an intense feeling. Perhaps you’ll even call a friend and (GASP!) talk instead of writing a completely unhinged reply to a troll or setting up your camera to post an oops-didn’t-see-you-there photo of yourself crying.
It’s all too much and never enough. Likes are infinite. Posts are never-ending. Thumbs are always aching. And we all know that online it’s not always the wisest or most talented that are heard, but the loudest and/or most shameless. I really love connecting and sharing but I’m not sure what the most productive and sane way to do that is anymore.
Connecting and sharing is why I got into comedy. When I started doing stand-up the main job of a stand-up was to do stand-up (and heal your childhood wounds through the validation of strangers). To be in a room with humans having a shared IRL experience. After shows my favorite compliment has never been “you’re funny” (which I of course appreciate and love to hear) but more so “you’re relatable.” Making a room full of people laugh because they see a piece of themselves in me is magical and feels good for everyone involved. Relating, especially to someone different than you, can inspire healing and change. Then social media, a new place to connect and share, started to grow and so I did all the things I was “supposed” to do.
I joined MySpace, built an audience, MySpace stopped being cool, I left MySpace. I put videos onYoutube, built an audience, didn’t know how to grow on Youtube, I stopped putting videos on Youtube. I started a blog, built an audience, blogging stopped being popular, I deleted my blog. I promoted on Facebook, built an audience, everyone said Meta was evil, I left Facebook. I wrote jokes on Twitter, built an audience, an unhinged douchebag bought it and named it X, I left Twitter. I tried TikTok, only lasted a few months before it gave my old ass vertigo, I left TikTok. I post on Instagram, first it was sunsets and artsy landscapes then it became all about promo and quick clips, built an audience, but it’s also owned by evil Meta, so maybe I’ll leave Instagram next. I also joined Bluesky, hardly have any audience yet, I guess I’ll keep posting jokes then leave when the next new cool thing comes along.
This can’t be life- going from app to app to app, it’s not sustainable. Constantly building a mew audience takes me away from building my craft. Instagram is currently where I’m most active but I’m torn. I want to leave as an act of protest but I also want to stay to remain a voice of reason. It’s also such a great tool for immediate action during times of crisis: petitions, fundraising, volunteering, etc. During the Los Angeles fires Instagram was how I found and shared ways to help. Besides if I leave social media where will I go to complain about social media?! Like I said I got into stand-up to connect and share so shouldn’t I love that all these apps make sharing and connecting easier? And if all these apps make sharing and connecting easier than why does life feel so much harder with my phone glued to my hand?
Oh how I miss the 90s, when everyone wore Cross Colors, passed notes in little folded triangles, and the vibe was “you can’t put me in a box.” Now everything is in a box. Dynamic personalities are reduced to a few adjectives in social media bios. “What’s your brand” is the new “what’s your sign?” I said earlier that I was a public figure, but these days everyone with wifi is a public figure. Even my 60-something chiropractor has a sign in his office that says “follow us on Instagram” and I’m like what are you posting photos of? Backs? I didn’t get into the arts to be good at marketing, I got into the arts to show people from high school that I am cool. Oh, and to make art.
So here I am, on Substack hoping this might be my favorite new online place to share and connect and maybe even create relatable magic. I really appreciate you reading this whole thing and for subscribing and telling every single person you know to subscribe as well, that’s really nice of you to help me build a new audience on another app.
You put into words how I feel. ❤️ so well said!
That may also be the best caption I’ve ever read. 🤣
Always appreciate your brutal honesty and sharing your challenges with all this. It’s real, relatable and I agree 1000%. Trying to keep a positive outlook and doing what I can, but admit it’s often a ridiculous uphill battle. All that said I still feel that HUMOR is one of the few things that helps us cope…so keep it up!!